She Who Shall Not Be Named

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I made this wreath, and one for Miss Gigi, maybe 12 to 15 years ago. It wasn’t my original idea, although I’d love to claim it. I saw one like it in a Mary Engelbreit magazine, and said HELLO BEAUTIFUL! What a fun way to enjoy my weird and kitchy Christmas ornaments and decorations that make me smile and cringe at the same time! Bet you have some, too. Or your mother does. Or a garage sale does. Be a Christmas Picker, my friend.

Here’s how I made it: I frosted a fake wreath with white spray paint, then wrapped it with goofy fake candy garland, and then set to wiring my little treasures onto the darn thing. Nothing is sacred. Just cram it on! The denser, the better, and funnier!

Okay, now check this out.

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Look familiar? Uh huh.

She’s the great-great-great-great aunt of the Elf Who Shall Not Be Named.

Santy Paws, Is That You?

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I am so glad phones have cameras, so that I don’t miss photo opps like this one.

This is Ginger, and he’s a service dog. That’s why he’s allowed to be in the grocery store, dressed like Santa and ride in his mistress’s shopping cart on a blanket.

I didn’t press mistress of Ginger on how her little old dog could possibly perform a service, because she was so happy for me to stop and chat and take a quick photo.

And aren’t we all okay if his only service is just to make you laugh a little bit?

A Safe Story

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It all started yesterday, when our corporate travel agent insisted that I do have a four-digit PIN for my United Mileage Plus account. And I insisted that I no longer had it, nor remembered it, nor could find it. But she insisted she needed it NOW, so she could book me a seat that might remotely qualify for an upgrade on my upcoming overseas flight. So I phoned home, to ask Bill to look in the safe, to see if there was anything from United-Continental stashed with my passport. And then I jumped in my car and drove home really fast, to check several drawers full of important documents, like seven-year-old Christmas cards and yellowing recipe clippings.

My United PIN was not anywhere. And I was frantic. (Really? You’re going to Italy. In the springtime. Calm yourself.)

Bill said there wasn’t anything PIN-related in the safe with our passports.

In my altered state, I decided he didn’t know what he was looking for. And l’ve known him to ask if I’ve seen his glasses, when they’re on his head. So I decided to check the safe myself.

But the safe handle didn’t budge. So I spun the combination lock, and turned its cute little key. Nothing.

“Bill!” I hollered downstairs. “The safe won’t open!”

“Well, it opened five minutes ago for me.” Pause. “You didn’t spin the combination lock, did you?”

Longer pause.

“Maybe.”

Well, I’m here to tell you that the next few minutes were not the most fun ones of my life. Because guess what? Nobody (Bill) had ever set the combination for the safe (in the five years we’ve owned it). And guess where the instructions for the safe were? (Inside.) (With my passport.)

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Yes, this is what it looks like, when you open a home safe with a crow bar, chisel, axe, and sledgehammer. Because that’s what the professional safe-cracker told Bill to use.

And I wouldn’t be at all surprised if my recovered passport reads “Luuuucy.”

A Teensy Christmas Miracle

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When Burke’s Bakery asked me what I wanted on top of my wedding cake, I had no clue. I don’t even know where I found these little kissing angels, but they were just fine. And not ridiculous like a tacky bride and groom, which, in retrospect would have been ridiculous and cute, in an adorable tacky way.

But I wouldn’t have this story now, would I?

For years and years, the little groom-angel has been missing his wings, due to my casual packing-for-moving habits. And I’ve always been a teensy bit sad about that.

So. Yesterday afternoon, when I was hanging Ginger’s first-Christmas silver bell from Mar Mar and Granddaddy on the Christmas tree, it ting-a-linged. A few times. And of course, I had to say “Oh! An angel just got his wings!” Because that’s what you say at Christmastime, when you hear a bell ring-a-linging.

And so. Tonight, I was rummaging in my boxes of stuff that I showed you a few weeks ago, and saw something that sort of healed that little piece of my bride’s heart.

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Look down there in that box. Do you see them? Yes! A little pair of angel wings.

In an itty bitty way, it is a wonderful life.

Peggy Fleming Slept Here

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Well, of course, she didn’t. But doesn’t my holiday front door make you want to read Hans Brinker or the Silver Skates again?

Indelible

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This afternoon, I had the bright honor of being invited into a hospital room, to meet the newest member of my workplace family. This beautiful new daughter is in the strong and loving arms of her big sister, who I’ve known and admired since she was not so much older herself. Their daddy works with me, as an editor and writer, making books for little children.

Over these 20-plus years, I have known and loved (and still do love!) many little babies and children who are part of my work-family. So it was really nice to be reminded today that not all families are related by blood.

I have a wonderful family to whom I’m related by ink!

Meanwhile, Back on the Couch…

This happened just seconds after I posted today’s ginnygram. And it is just too funny not to share.

Brunch began at noon today. And the Bears vs. Vikings game also began at noon today. Now, Bill and I are used to taping the game, then being on a “media blackout” until we’re home from the lake house. But this was a first attempt at a media blackout for our friend and fellow bruncher Harvey, who was a really good sport and only teased our hostess, Maria, a little bit about her timing.

Bill instructed Harvey on how to find the game on his on-screen TV guide, then simply press the red “record” button on his remote. And that’s just what Harvey did. And we all had brunch, secure in the knowledge that we could all go home, put on our sweatpants, watch the game, fast-foward through the commercials, and even pause the game for a nap, if necessary.

Right at about half-time during our recorded viewing, the phone rang. It was Harvey.

His game didn’t record. Because even though he did everything right, he doesn’t have a DVR!

So Harvey phoned Best Buy and ordered a DVR. And when the customer service representative asked if he had any other questions, Harvey said yes, he did.

“Who won the game?”

Mercy!

This photo is a little dark, because I just couldn’t bring myself to use the flash in the bar at the Four Seasons Hotel. Yep, just when my waistband whimpered for mercy, today I put on my dressiest muumuu and went downtown with Bill to have brunch with friends, and to toast Frances on her birthday, which was on Thursday. She called it her “Thanksbirthday,” which is way better than what I almost called it. “Birthgiving” didn’t sound like something that should happen during brunch at the Four Seasons, so I clamped my mouth shut.

Did I say I clamped my mouth shut? That was only a figure of speech. Or a lie. Because we all enjoyed a lovely and civilized four-course bruncheon, and then we pretty much went around the table and declared which diet each of us would be starting tomorrow.

I know I declared Weight Watchers, but I secretly love the 1980s way of slimming down. No, not the coffee and grapefruit diet.

High heels and shoulder pads.

Dedicated

Today, I opened this box, expecting to find childhood books that I have forgotten that I once loved. Hmm. There were only a few books in the box, and most of them either didn’t ring a bell, or were clearly not mine to begin with. Way back when, my brothers both received gifts of signed Curious George books, while I received a signed Suki and the Magic Umbrella. So I know George isn’t mine.

These four books belong to my little brother, Monty. Let’s look inside My Brimful Book and Curious George Learns the Alphabet:

  

Both dedications are priceless, don’t you think?

Yes! Virginia!

I work in the field of children’s book publishing. Every year, we publish hundreds of children’s books, in partnership with Disney, Sesame Workshop, The Jim Henson Company, Dreamworks, Fox, Warner Bros., Nickelodeon, Mattel, Peanuts Worldwide, Sanrio, and others. As you know, because you don’t live on Mars, many of these companies publicize their brands with giant character balloons in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Kermit, Spider-Man, Charlie Brown, Buzz Lightyear, Papa Smurf, Hello Kitty, and Spongebob Squarepants, were just a few of this year’s line-up. Big names, right? All year long, I hear proud announcements from all of these partners: “And we will have a [character name goes here] balloon in the Macy’s parade this Thanksgiving!”

Imagine my surprise to see a Virginia balloon in the parade yesterday! High-fived my daughter, Virginia, and sent out some love to my mother and grandmother Virginias (the plural of Virginia looks weird, I know, and autocorrect wants me to change it to Virginians), and to Miss Annie Virginia, for whom my grandmother was named. Train sings an awesome song about meeting Virginia (she wears high heels when she exercises!), and for years, Billy Joel has tried to get Catholic school-girl Virginia to come out and play. Every Virginia knows the first baby born in the Americas was Virginia Dare, born in Roanoke, Virginia. Back in the 1970s, every teen and 20-something girl named Virginia wore a t-shirt, or at least had a key chain, that advertised “Virginia Is for Lovers.” Heh. And yes, there’s a downside to being a Virginia — my driver’s license and Ginger’s high school class composite both name us “Virgina.” This happens a lot. We try to laugh it off, but, well, it isn’t really funny.

Anyway, we Virginias thought the “Yes, Virginia” float was adorable. And Ginger loved that it was a ginger Virginia. Then Virginias all over the world said a silent thank-you that it wasn’t a Francis P. Church balloon. Because as great as his Sun editorial was, his balloon would be just creepy.