Drive

Last Tuesday afternoon, I took a new 2014 Resolution for a test drive. I ran “To Be a Kinder Person” off the road within minutes. Totaled it about six hours before midnight.

Shaken, I decided I should try renting a few Resolutions. Kick their tires. See how they handle in city traffic.

Wednesday, I looked at “Be More Patient.” They were temporarily out of this best-selling model, and I couldn’t wait.

Thursday, I checked out “Eat Less, Exercise More.” The engine wouldn’t even turn over.

Friday, I took “Floss Every Day” around the block. It was great! But there were strings attached.

Saturday, I called to see if they’d gotten another “Be More Patient” in, and they put me on hold. Seriously?

On Sundays, the Resolution Dealerships are closed. Although I did see someone driving a “Cut Back on Salt.” It was surprisingly tasteless.

By Monday, I was getting desperate. The “Volunteer” was looking pretty good. I liked its little halo hood ornament. And it comes in colors like Altruism and Virtue. Can you believe the key broke in the lock?

Today is Tuesday. One week without a Driving Resolution for 2014.

Perhaps a good “Walk” is the drive I need in 2014.